(((hugs))) don't feel badly about venting here, that's what this forum is for.

One of my worst compulsions still, is the compulsion to try and talk to DH and make things right. I know that it's very, very rare that we have a conversation that ends with me feeling like maybe we've made headway as a pair, but I still feel this horrible drive at times to go and talk and fix even if it won't work. As dd would say, codependency be like...... Even if it does feel productive, it's usually followed up with some kind of noteable passive aggressive behavior within a few days. At least I'm recognizing that sort of pattern now.

Fortunately, it sounds like you see that it's probably better not to send the text or emails.

Honestly, I think you probably haven't done much wrong except give more of yourself away than you could afford to :-(

Sounds like she's textbook narcissist from the standpoint of making herself out to look golden, while insinuating that you were the problem. I think that's one of the hardest things about being the victim of narcissistic abuse. The concept that they've been so manipulative that even people close to you might not see what they've done. About all you can do is keep doing the best you can living up to your own code of ethics and morals. In my mind, the fact that the kids are with you says a lot about you.

It hurts like hell though, doesn't it?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Let yourself feel the emotions and go through the grief though, if you can. You've probably repressed a lot of stuff for an long time. It will pass.

Remember, emotions are visitors, not roommates.