It's ironic that you say "trump card".

For the last three years I've said, "You don't automatically win every exchange by throwing down porn as your trump card. There are real things you have to address."

Yes, I did that. It was wrong. I lied, which was also wrong. I also had kids in this relationship that I wasn't going to leave and went for 12 months + on numerous occasions with no intimacy of any kind.

When I said that to her in counselling, she said, "I let you put your arm around me and I sit against you when we watch TV. I don't let just anyone do that."


Why is my porn viewing (done in private, and I've never spoken about it or paid or hired anyone or anything), more damaging and a bigger issue than the hurt she's caused our kids for years?

Because I've said, "You're hurting our kids and damaging your relationship with them. We need you."