Atenolol, olanzepine, diazepam. Those helped.

Now I sleep.. to go to work in the morning. I miss my mom (She's gone somewhere for work for 24 hours).

I spent the day, lying on the couch, with sunglasses on, listening to music (With the news on the TV in the background) which I could hear through my earbuds. It was probably one of the craziest states of ket I've ever been in... Dancing around, occasionally helping an autist friend with her trip..

I felt like I was in an infinite reality.. I would move my hands, arms around in weird ways.. Saying things in my head (That people from other dimensions or downtown can hear.. waiting for someone to come into the apartment... but realize and accepted, that I always suffer - And no one shows up.. all alone in those states). My cat jumped onto me and calmed me for about 10 minutes, and I felt better.

My mom phoned, and I was in a magic DPDR state, boiled perogies and made grilled cheese.. I didn't do much of anything productive..

And I want to.. I want the best life - Like what you guys talk about with "self care", and "colouring", etc.. To be mindful, relaxed, comfortable.. But I was never like that in my life.. But I try.. It's always freaking out, pain and stress. Although my mood has been really good.. I'm just not sure how to get out of these bad habits.

I ordered the new Bose earbuds (400 dollar) - I bought like 4-5x 300 dollar wired earbuds (When I was a teenager - They always broke). Then 2x wireless after that, then Sony wireless earbuds... But they always break or lose their battery power.. This one will arrive next week (And I'm excited for it).. I have my earbuds in usually, all day, every day..