This trip that Jay is on feels long and it's only been 6 days. He keeps me updated with which islands they're on each day. He seems to be having an amazing time. I'm envious. I would love to be on a multi-million dollar sailboat in the Caribbean. He's lucky. I told him before he left that it's an adventure of a lifetime.

We've kept in pretty close touch and he's called me four times this week, more than he's ever called me. He says he wants to see me as soon as he returns, which feels good. I have good feelings about him. I'm enjoying him.

He's been super supportive & understanding around issues concerning my ex. He even told me it's OK if I still have some feelings for him, but I told him I do not. I said that I care about him as I would care about any human being on this planet. But given how my ex seriously tried to swindle me, I don't care anymore. He can disappear for all I care, and I would be content and happy to never run into him again.

Everyone here has told me repeatedly to block him, and I finally have, and for good. Shutting the door once and for all feels like solid closure. I called him out, then blocked him.

BTW, did I ever tell you that his lawyer friend used to pay for hookers, behind his wife's back? YES. That shows the lawyer's character. I know, I know.. I never should have agreed to hire him. It was a mistake, in hindsight. But back in Oct I thought it was a pretty simple, cut and dry divorce and that I didn't need to pay for my own lawyer. In hindsight, I could have borrowed the money from mom to hire someone else, but then I would have just added to my pile of debt. Anyways, what's done is done and we're getting a divorce for only $1500 total, split between us. That's a pretty cheap divorce!!! It will finalize in August. Four more months until it's official. UGH. The waiting period SUCKS. I want it done now.

And I am sure my ex will move on and find another vulnerable victim. Poor woman... I already feel badly for the next because they have no idea what they're getting into. And now that my ex has all this money, he has the means to wine and dine the next victim to no end, and that woman will probably be eating it all up.

I wonder how long it will take the next go around for his true colors to show? Weeks or months? I saw red flags within a matter of days.. in the early days, he was telling me how loving and faithful he is (GAG!), what a good guy he is, and how he would NEVER hurt me, make me cry, or cheat on me... and he did all THREE!!!!!! I've reminded him of this, and have told him that that was all a big fat lie. It was all a part of the facade that he portrays...

Even today, he wants me to believe he's a good guy, when all of his actions demonstrate and prove the opposite. He kept telling me that he's a good person, ever since we split up. Oh yeah? He lied to me repeatedly, broke promises repeatedly, hurt me, insulted me, screamed at me, gaslighted me, blamed and accused me, attacked my character, cheated on me, restrained me physically every morning against my will, and created nasty, knock down drag out day-long fights. Then he swindled me, the final blow and icing on the cake. Yeah, what a good guy he is!!! He's delusional. He's a total con artist.

The cognitive dissonance is lifting. That's the confusion & conflict that the victim experiences due to the constant pattern and vacillation between mr. good guy and mr nasty...

I see mr nasty and I see the facade, his false image that he portrays to the outside world.. so keep fooling yourself into thinking you're so wonderful... his friends say that it's MY loss. HA! Yeah right. Definitely HIS loss.

I am speaking with my abuse advocate today for a counseling session. I need it. The domestic violence center is covering my heat and electric bills, how wonderful is that???? They've been a Godsend through the years... I don't know if I could have survived this without all their help and support.