Ptsd steals away from a person.

What is concerning is her increasing use of alcohol because she doesn’t want to experience the symptoms of the ptsd.

You share how you enjoyed many good years together. If there was a personality disorder like NPD there would not have been so many good years like you describe.

The thing about ptsd is the person struggling realizes that they will never be that person again. They don’t even know how to explain. When they try the responses they get shows them how others don’t realize how genuinely crippling it can get.

I was lucky to find a therapist that was experienced with treating ptsd patients. He never made me feel bad about any of the symptoms or flashbacks. Instead he explained what I was experiencing and that it was not my fault.

He told me there is a sort of ribbon that all these traumas hang off of. That after working through the traumas you slowly see the ribbon that connects them together. That’s when you begin to regain some power and healing. But she has to stop using the alcohol. She needs to find a medication that is calming but allows her to learn and heal.

IMO your wife is not interested in hurting or punishing you. In fact she is not even looking to take any money from you. If she was narcissistic she would decide she is entitled and gaslight her way to financial gain because you failed to meet up to her expectations.