@Yaowen thank you very much! Your words are very helpful. I have been thinking of ways of staying here and going back to therapy but would have to sign up for medi-cal. My therapist said I need disability and feared for my life if not. So I left that therapist thinking he was wrong, but now realize he was correct.

It helps me a lot talking to people at mysupportforums. This is the only place I talk to people. I'm all for getting back to therapy and getting disability. I fear the next alter may sell our car and make us homeless.