Hey welcome Orange Cat.👋I like orange cats - the ginger ones.😺

Aw, shame spiral yes. I know those feelings.🙏 Given everything you've written here: you've deleted the post, good, now trying to let go of negative self feelings, yes. So now just keep focusing and steering your mind away from the intrusive thoughts and reminding yourself you're not actually a bad terrible person - which in the wider spectrum of human behaviours, what you described above is very very common as to almost say 'ordinary' - and just come back to your more balanced self. And avoid triggery things obviously. You'll be okay🙏