I’m not sure I understand, the friend whose birthday it is expects you all to pay for their hotel/night out as well as your own etc?
That’s crazy if that’s true.

I don’t think people should feel obligated to do these things. I think it should be something, if you want to do it/can afford it- great! But if not, no stress!

I think that there is a balance between effort /stepping outside comfort zones and friendship.

For example one of my good friends is having a birthday bbq/beach walk in another city (well just outside) but I’m working that weekend. So I just messaged to say I’m sorry but I would like to celebrate with her by having a dinner, just the two of us the following week.

Anyway, I hope you’re doing ok!