Hello everyone. I came to you guys because I need a little advice/thoughts on a big struggle I'm going through.

So I've been with my partner for a couple months under 2 years now, truly thought she was the one, most special person I've met, fell deeply in love yadda-yadda, but I've slowly been coming to grips with, and realizing she honestly is not the one for me, and I do not want to and can not spend the rest of my life with them.

Now due to my various personal issues (medical, health etc.) I sometimes kinda struggle with... well, many things, but mainly for the sake of this post, I worry and fear that when/if I am finally able to end the relationship, what's going to get me is only being able to remember and feel any/all of the good times we had and good things, and I'm not only not going to be able to remember and feel the bad negative things and reasons, but I'll even go so far as to doubt and question myself on how valid such things were; for instance when remembering something negative and bad I might doubt myself on whether or not I was just overthinking it, or I was just exaggerating it myself in the heat of the moment, like I was in the wrong and just misunderstood it, etc.

I hope I'm explaining this right and the point I'm trying to make, makes sense... Like, I even have documented and kept track of a lot of the serious red flags and things, so I can go back and actually read them not just going by memory, but the problem with that is, I feel like when I were to go back and read them, like I said I'll question and doubt whether I was just seeing it wrong, exaggerating, heat of the moment, just my emotions etc. etc. if you know what I mean.

We do have some good times, and when it's good it's... fairly decent, but the bad and negative, unhealthy things and times have gotten worse and more outweighing, but like I said, I fear when/if it ends, I'll only be able to remember and think about and feel the good things feelings and times...