I’ve been moderately depressed since Friday. Not enough to be non functional but enough to make everything feel like a chore. Even eating is a pain in my a—. I’m eating healthier but preparing my food for the day is hard. At lunch I’m just microwaving a sweet potato and eating it with cinnamon. With a can of tuna on the side for protein. I have a lot of fruit in the house, it’s easy to grab a banana and two little mandarins in addition to my yogurt for the morning. But portioning out the yogurt from the big container is annoying. I wanted a bowl of cereal this morning but it was too much to put the milk in the cereal and eat it.

I did NOT want to go to work this morning but often it’s better for me to be there than sulking at home by myself. One of the nonverbal boys spit out his chewed up pretzel on the floor and then smeared it on me when I made him clean it up joys of working in an Autism classroom. But I made it through.

Idk what to do really about the depression. I don’t know if it was the ECT or the lexapro that helped. I hate ECT though, I’m scared of anesthesia so I’m in a panic every time. Plus I don’t have anyone to take me for maintenance. But I would also be nervous to go up on the lexapro because of the possibility of mania. Traditionally I don’t do well on SSRIs. I don’t have another pdoc appt til may 20th but I could try to get in earlier. I’m going to try to ride it out, at least give it until next week to see if I’m still depressed. It has only been four days.