Do I hope she comes back?

That is just a dream. I am still coming to grips with letting go of her. What I want mentally, what I know is right, what I know is best for the kids, and what my emotions want aren't the same thing. I am still dealing with the burning longing of wanting her for years and years. So, do I hope she comes back? Yes, and I hope we live happily ever after. Emotionally, I want her, and I want her to make amends with the kids, validate the kids, and be part of a stable loving home. That is what I want. That's a fairy tale, and I am continuing to grow out of it. Emotionally though, that is what I crave.

As for divorce, separation, etc.

It was never me seeking it. This was her, all along. My point in recent posts has been, now she has to figure somethings out. If she pushes for a divorce, it isn't going to play out like she imagined, and in fact going to court could hurt her financially. I've discussed that to death.

What do I want as far as divorce, separation, etc.?
For now, maybe for a year, I don't want anything to change. I can't afford lawyers. I can't afford the drama of all this. I can't afford the extra expense of moving. I need some stability, and so do the kids. If the fairy tale happily ever after isn't going to happen (spoiler - it isn't) then I want things to remain just as they are for an extended period of time. I am not proactive in pursuing a separation or divorce, I am reactive. According to my lawyer, that is the best tactic and the longer this all takes the better it looks for me. My lawyer has also said it's unlikely anything is going to happen in the next 18 months. It will probably take years.

In the absence of having my wife and my happily ever after, I want some peace and stability in our home for a good long while.