@RollercoasterLover,

Thanks so much! I do deserve all those things and already do feel those things coming back into my life.

And to answer your question, yes, I do... for the first many months of my separation, I watched many self-help videos on recovering from narc abuse. I have educated myself on the warning signs and on narc abuse behaviors. I have yet to fully implement the "gray rock" method or full no contact, as is suggested, but I have used gray rock periodically through our separation and divorce, and I have attempted no contact multiple times yet have broken it due to the trauma bond.

However, I am moving forward in my life. I am pursuing activities I enjoy again, I am meeting new people and am making new friends, I am losing all the extra weight I put on, and I am taking care of my health needs again. I am doing a lot of self care, and I am getting support. I am also injecting a lot of positive psychology into my life through various means. I don't have a therapist, but I am being counseled each week by my abuse advocate, and I am taking care of the life I neglected for the last five years.

I think I am doing pretty well, considering I lost my job and am going through a divorce simultaneously. This has been one of the toughest experiences of my entire life.

The one thing I am missing is a good therapist, but that has been very difficult to pull together, and is not a top priority. Taking care of my health, getting a job, and finishing my coursework are my top priorities.

Also, I have yet to find a really good therapist in my life and almost give up. I have had SO many bad ones that even I could do a better job than they have. My last therapist never validated my experience of the abuse and was horrible. He is also my husband's therapist, which is unethical and should not have been the case.

Instead, I participate in several narc abuse support groups on Facebook, which for me, are in lieu of a therapist, along with my abuse advocate who is very good about validating me. Everyone in my support groups have good advice they've received from therapists. Everyone says to focus on loving yourself again, regaining self-love, and pouring all of your energy and focus into your own life, all of which I am doing.

And as a result of all of the above, I DO feel joy again, I AM at peace at night, I feel fulfilled again, and I am loving myself again. I am even singing again in my car, something I love to do and stopped doing while with my ex abuser.

And, I am looking forward to leading a workshop in May, something that is a new development and is very exciting for me as a side passion project.

I know you have been through the wringer yourself, dealing with an abusive relationship too, and for many years. So, I know you can relate. If you have any additional tips for me aside from seeking a therapist's help, I am more than happy to hear them.