Your anger is pretty normal. Why shouldn't you feel angry? It's very justified, but you know she'll use it against you if she sees it, just like everything else. The outlet you want for your anger, you can't have...

I think the seeking approval from people like them falls into trauma bonding and intermittent reenforcement. When the approval is only ocassional, we seek it even harder. May have mentioned this here before, but intermittent reenfocement in a trauma bond has a similar effect on the brain receptors as cocaine. When you think about it like that, the compulsion to get their approval might make a lot of sense