I'm in the US, as of last night NJ time. The first leg of the trip (Prague to Paris) was fine, but the much longer one to NYC was quite awful. I had a terrible seat with zero leg room, and I'm 5' 7" and had an aisle seat. The young guy next to me (an inner seat) was a tall Parisian. He was clearly uncomfortable, but seemed much more tolerant of it, probably because of his youth. He was somewhat friendly and quiet, which was a relief. Of course I couldn't sleep at all, despite taking all of my evening meds plus an Ativan. I only got about four hours even after arrival when I finally got into bed. When I got through baggage claim, I was hoping to see my airport pickup guy waiting for me. Instead, I had to struggle to call him and then struggle to get outside to the "private pickup" area outside the terminal. He wasn't even there yet. I confess I was fuming. It cost $350 for that one-way car ride and was the cheapest quote I got.

Once I finally got into the car, I calmed. He got me to my dad's house at around 10:30 pm NJ time. Remember that's 4:30 am Czech time, after several hours in the air with a few hours in the Paris airport. I had gotten up at about 6 am Czech time (12 am NJ time), so it was almost 24 hours that passed. When I reached my dad's no one was waiting to greet me. I'd really hoped my sister would. The door was unlocked for me, though. I walked in and the place was worse than I had even remembered it. Filthy vile conditions (unhealthy) and stinking bad. It was a sort of punishment even using the toilet to pee. I thought I'd just go upstairs to sleep (the only room that was deemed usable). Before lifting a cover, I'd decided to sleep in the clothes I wore the past 24 hours. I then checked the bedding, given the room condition. I lifted the pillow to find a live cockroach crawling out quickly. Was the final straw! I managed to call my sister and demanded she come to drive me to a nearby hotel, which she did. Of course, like all other things, I paid for it. I couldn't stay with her because her house is a near hoarding house and almost equally as unsanitary as my dad's, which was my late brother's doing.

As soon as I woke up, I called Hubby and begged him to find me an Airbnb downtown. He did find me a very nice place, and the least expensive place in a "walkable to most things" distance. But it's still not cheap. Few are in the US, and fewer in NJ, especially in a touristy town like mine. That's x 6 days that I originally thought would be $0 per night out of my pocket.

I spent most of the day with Sis doing some research and phone work, mostly. Stressful, too, and already there are some uncomfortable ideas on her end (born mostly from her husband) that I declared unreasonable/unfair. Won't go into details. Towards about 4 pm I was already super tired from jet lag. When she dropped me off at my Airbnb, she said something like "Well, I'll see you either tomorrow or the next day." What???!!!!! And I expressed this. So she thinks I've come to be basically a tourist (without a car) in my own hometown? Alone. My dad's house is actually on the outskirts in a more rural area. It can be reached by foot, by young and highly in shape people, but that's not me, at this time. I know the walk and getting there is about four times harder than the opposite, given several steep long hills.

I talked to Hubby later. I wanted to reach towards him for support, but he's equally stressed at home. This is the most stressful challenge I have needed to endure since my psychiatric inpatient years. I am stable still, but feel I'm hanging on so by just a few threads. If comparatively little progress results from my early stay, I will regret it, deeply, on many levels.