My depression is just terrible. SH and SI thoughts abound. What’s worse is my self esteem is in the toilet. I’m so depressed and feel so worthless that

I feel like maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. Maybe this is all my fault, I let myself fall into this. Maybe I just need to try harder to climb out. But idk what to do to do that.

I did get my pdoc to see me earlier. He won’t put me on Emsam bc he says it’s too complicated and requires too much lab work. He bumped up the lexapro to 10mg and told me to add vitamin D3 and folic acid. So many pills. I asked if I should go back for more ECT and he said I could but let’s see if the lexapro helps first. Idk. I just don’t know what to do. I think I’m being a big whiny self pitying baby.