well... you already know that there is a big battle inside you between the competant therapist and the hurting you that has mental health issues.... this is a harder line to walk than most of us face between our dual struggles, because the healthier side of you also knows all of the tricks of the trade so to speak. You have *you* as the therapist in your head... but you aren't at the stage at which that works well...yet. You know how it goes... a client learns to internalize the therapist and then move to giving themselves what they need... and where does that leave you? You've got yourself, as a T, minding your own business and the rest of you doesnt want to listen yet. Frankly... that has to be a pain in the ***. (meant sympathetically) i'm sure you'd want to tell your T and your inner self to shut tf up.

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I have been engaging in sort of a push/pull thing with him lately about how he constantly focuses on the my work as a therapist (which I agree with 100% about), but I feel as though he is not acknowledging all of the pain and bad stuff that is going on along with that.

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scuffy and i had that sort of convo not long after i started... because my experience was like what you describe... that my pain and struggles were always written off by people, i had to fight for acknowledgement.. it was important that he not do that too.. i really feel a personal sort of twinge with what you said here.

im so sorry it hurts inside like this... im sorry that you feel unheard and afraid. There are a lot of new things to face, adjustments to make... fears to soothe and eventually conquer. You know that you'll need to address this feeling of being unheard inside, and not just rationalize it away because you happen to be a T in your day job.

what about writing out a conversation with yourself? (yes, really) Type it out and pretend you are two people. Ask yourself what is upsetting you about this... ask yourself why you told him nothing... be that T and ask yourself like you would a client. Do more asking in that role and answering in the other. i have frequently been somewhat enlightened by what came out of this exercise.... and i am pretty cynical about that sort of stuff.

i wish i knew how to sooth that hurting part of you... sending as much hugs and love as my cable modem will carry