Thanks everyone for the support! RS definitely does understand that this is not my fault and I don’t do it on purpose. He, like me, just doesn’t understand why it keeps happening and why they can’t fix it for longer periods of time. I mean this time I only got three weeks!

I stayed at work today. It was take your child to work day so I took CR with me. He had fun. My coworkers all brought their kids too. My teacher brought her 18 y/o son and he brought his Nintendo switch and hooked it up to the smart board so everyone could play. The two boys (students I mean) played very nicely together which they struggle to do most of the time. So I suppose we could call it work on social skills. CR said my students were sweet and he’s looking forward to coming next year, though he will be 13 so who knows if he’ll actually want to at that point.

Depression is still not good. I didn’t want to eat dinner. I wanted to go to the diner but I also can’t imagine leaving the house for that long. We heated up the frozen chicken and rice soup I made a couple weeks ago. It was good. I feel like bingeing but I’ve purposely removed all my favorites (chips, ice cream) from the house to prevent that. I can binge on carrots. Or fruit. That’s about it.

I am trying desperately to fight the negative self talk and focus on the fact that I do feel good at times so it will return. My brain immediately says “yeah but it’ll go to ***** again too” but I don’t want to focus on that fact. I’m just struggling terribly. I guess radical acceptance is a good way to go.