It's not down days because she never deserved my effort. Early on, we were far more of a team and accomplished a lot together.

Someone told me about how with a covert narcissist, the "mask will slip". Someone on this forum told me, when someone shows you who they are believe them.

Looking back, there were different periods of "WTF just happened?" And then things would go back to normal.

Over years the WTF moments became closer and more frequent, and the good moments became more rare.

When I interact with her it's almost like I have a startle response. I think it is from years of being on edge and having to defend myself often.

I also go through periods of questioning my reality regularly, because I really ignored and smoothed out a lot of erratic behavior and thinking for a long, long time.