I think the trend has been to label people with NPD and decide abuse is taking place when it’s more complex and not so back and white.

I think individuals with ADHD get labeled as bad narcissists when while some behaviors can be narcissistic, it more complex and many behaviors are due to how their brain is wired.

I think your wife’s struggles and behaviors may be due to a combination of her ADD and how she is abusing alcohol along with a group of toxic friends that are encouraging her to see you as a bad person and the solution is divorce and get money they tell her she is entitled to and live a new life.

Mixing alcohol with the ADD wired brain can result in exhibiting different mood swings that can at times be very cold and angry and confused states making the already challenging ADD worse.

Remember, alcoholism has many narcissistic behavior patterns to it. And Both alcoholism and ADD have problems with time and memory.

It’s important to keep in mind that ADD/ADHD is hereditary. Knowing behavior patterns and challenges if a person/child that may have ADD anxiety etc, is important as individuals can be taught how to better manage their challenged areas so they can function better and understand themselves better. You want to prevent self medicating as that just adds more dysfunction.

People who self medicate with alcohol when they have ptsd, ADHD or bipolar or other disorders only make their challenge worse.