Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
It's not down days because she never deserved my effort. Early on, we were far more of a team and accomplished a lot together.
Someone told me about how with a covert narcissist, the "mask will slip". Someone on this forum told me, when someone shows you who they are believe them.
Looking back, there were different periods of "WTF just happened?" And then things would go back to normal.
Over years the WTF moments became closer and more frequent, and the good moments became more rare.
When I interact with her it's almost like I have a startle response. I think it is from years of being on edge and having to defend myself often.
I also go through periods of questioning my reality regularly, because I really ignored and smoothed out a lot of erratic behavior and thinking for a long, long time.
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We're not supposed to attempt to diagnose on here. That being said, if you see NPD traits in your ex, in addition to BPD, wow, what a combo.... toxic, toxic, toxic, toxic.
You became conditioned to accepting her behavior, despite your WTF moments. I became conditioned to accept my ex's own abusive behaviors, because he tried to normalize them. I have determined that my ex is most definitely NDP, without a shadow of a doubt.
That's just normal fighting between couples, he would say, and everyone fights like that. NO. Not knock down, drag out fights that involve insults, gaslighting, yelling and demeaning, intimidating comments and behaviors. NO. And NOT fights that last for hours on end. And NOT fights that are instigated simply over an innocent seeming question!!!
Once you learn more about what is actually HEALTHY between two people in a relationship, you will more clearly see the stark contrast between that and what you had.