What is described above is a partner that doesn’t want their spouse to have any power. Divorce is threatened many times as a way to maintain control and keep a partner under control.

IMHO once that dynamic takes place let them go.

I can see how if a woman never had a healthy close relationship with her father she would insist on control and never have a healthy relationship.

Similarly if a man experienced an unhealthy narcissistic mother he may very likely take that out on his wife. (Something you should talk about with your sons)