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Originally Posted by comrademoomoo
I couldn't read the article because it's behind a paywall so this might have been discussed, but what about those feelings which are unkind towards others and are typically understood to make one an unpleasant person?
It seems like there are "acceptable" negative feelings (especially the kind where we judge ourselves and beat up ourselves) which we encourage people to feel and accept in order that they don't get repressed and start to rot in ourselves. But then there are those distasteful negative feelings which it doesn't seem so acceptable to encourage.
For example, I feel a considerable amount of hostility, disgust and judgement towards others. Feeling positive or even neutral about that way of feeling doesn't naturally seem like something to encourage - for myself or for society generally. I see it as a problem which I am trying to regulate. How does this fit? That my feelings of disgust etc are cover feelings and that the underlying feelings (such as fear or vulnerability) are the ones to accept? But then I am accepting some feelings but not others. Or is regulation a kind of neutrality?
Rhetorical questions in part, but I find these kinds of things confusing and how to navigate the concepts (nevermind the feelings) doesn't seem obvious to me.
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Feelings are just feelings until you act on them. They don't hurt anybody or make you an unpleasant person by themselves. There's a bit in the article that says:
Dr. Shallcross suggested approaching the feeling with curiosity and “using your body and your experience as a laboratory: ‘What’s here?’”
That's the neutrality part for me. You notice your hostility or your disgust and then wonder where it comes from. That might point you to a root cause (the fear or vulnerability or whatever) that you can work through. Eventually you might even come to appreciate the hostility because it's an indicator that something is coming up for you that haven't quite noticed or dealt with yet. ("Wow, I am filled with rage at this person for no discernable reason. I wondering what's bothering me right now?") When you get a handle on accepting the deeper stuff, the surface reactions and feelings will probably fade on their own. (Or at least that's the idea, I think.)