Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
You say you don’t like group socializing, but you keep putting yourself in social group situations.
You have a good friend. Go with that. Enjoy each others’ company. Plan outings for the two of you. It may be that along the line you may encounter an activity that you enjoy AND it involves a few more people and perhaps eventually more friendships might evolve. But your hostility towards other people seems pretty high right now (at least as you communicate it here), and it is possible that you may be giving off a vibe when you are in groups that you don’t like them (and you may not even realize it). It happens. It’s kind of natural I think when we’re predicting things won’t go well.
I don’t have a lot of close friends. I have always just had a few. I’m okay with that. I’ve learned to socialize in the context of a few activities that I enjoy, and I have built some lovely friendships with people in those activities, but they are limited to those activities (which is completely fine).
I think there is this perception that everyone has lots of friends, but the reality that I have seen is that most people have a very small number of truly close friends (often just one or two) and the larger group of people most socialize with is largely limited to certain activities (in other words, they aren’t really close friends, but more like activity-centered friends).
So I have my church choir friends. I have my work friends. I have my chorus friends. But none of them are particularly besties. In fact, I would say that right now my besties happen to be my sister and my son. They are the ones I truly talk to about very important and personal things. I’m good with that at the moment.
Your good friend sounds like a truly great person, and that is quite special.
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I have only put myself in one group situation because no one wants to socialize outside of the group like I said. I will never wver introduce friends to each othrr to avoid this from occurring again
Maybe my annoyance shows through in groups. I’m not good at hiding my feelings. I purposely kept my only good real friend away from the group of friends I have now. I didn’t want her to spend less time with me. I know it’s a bit selfish, but I can’t loose what I have.
She’s usually busy most of the time. No way am I sharing her with my selfish friends who never introduced me to anyone in the 4 or 5 years I’ve known them aside from this outdoor game group.
I’ll only try to make friends with people who also want to hang out with people one on one who are similar to me as far as shared interests & values go.
Grouos are definitely not for me. I tried, but I never ever for in no matter what. The ladt group I was in was for a board game group & the organizer who was my former friend said that mist of the people in it complained about me trying to ‘change ’ the group which wasn’t true.
I only said yes to playing a party game when asked & somehow they twisted that into me wanting to change their mostly boring strategy game group into a party only game group.
lol 😆
And her other friends complained about me more, by saying that I’m not easy going & the other woman blocked me from a group text just for complaining about my weight.
She said it triggered her. She didn’t have the guts to talk to me about that. I wouldn’ve stopped talking about my weight if I was aware of how sensitive she was to the topic of weight. Rude! Wth? Ugh! Weirdos! lol 😆
That’s good that you have activity friends. This small group I’m in is still OK for activities, but definitely not for talking about personal matters. They tend to change the subject to quickly I noticed.
One of the women in the group gives me a judgmental vibe. Especially about weight as she has looked at me funny a lot by giving me up & down looks.
She recently stopped. Maybe one of the other lafdies toldher how it made me feel. I did tell her to stop doing thst once, but she didn’t stop that until recently. She is a skinny weight obsessed fitness instructor.
Weird! No one ever stuck up for me once. They denied even seeing anything although she did it right in front of them!
I can tell the other two women don’t want to hear about my problems. I need to kerp things fairly light with them.
My one true friend is a diamond in a world full of rocks. She feels the same way about me too. Her & I go to concerslts together. She’s open to going to new plavces unlike most people I know.
She has been through a lot too & understands what it’s like to suffer from anxiety, depression & being bullied & mistreated too.