Hugs Blue_Bird, just keep reality checking and reminding yourself this type of thinking is just part of the illness and you can't really trust yourself until the meds kick in again. Until then, you can ask us to help you out 
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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