A little clarification: this is the first time it occurs in the context of my tango dancing. What I meant is that I have a long history of falling in love with women who eventually choose somebody else.

I am insecure about intimacy, especially because I have been single most of my life and percieve that I don't know the tricks to please a woman. Also - that is a remnant of a relationship of 10 years with a partner whom I met when she was 24 and who had +/- 80 one night stands before me - I have this feeling that a large number of partners will make intimacy less intimate. I suspect that is not entirely true, but I don't have a similar experience I can relate to so it is hard to let that go.
That being said, I do crave an intimate relationship and I know I can more or less overcome these insecurities.

The problem - I think - comes at another point. As I have this repeated experience of almost never being chosen, of always seeing somebody who is favoured more than me, it is hard for me to not see myself as a lesser being. It is as if my initial insecurity lies at the basis of these experiences and these experiences have long ago become a justification of my insecurities.

It is quite obvious that one does value the contact or friendship one has when falling in love. It is these insecurities that make me agonize over losing what I have. This stops me from initiating anything beyond what comes naturally.

I have thought the last weeks that it could have been a good idea to propose seeing each other in a different context. I did this when I proposed to go cycling together. To no avail apparently.

I have no idea how to break out of this vicious cirle that makes me more insecure at each iteration.