It sounds like guy #2 who you were talking to didn't validate you as the victim of the abuse you recieved. Most people out and about in the real world aren't able to do that. Self validation techniques may help you feel better.
You know a small part of guy #1's personal story from someone who talked about him who was supposed to be his best friend. He may or may not be an abuser and his soon to be ex may or may not be too. You don't know either of them or the best friend who was talking about them. There are better people out there.
It's noble of you to try to explain how abuse 'functions' by being hidden and deceptive. Abuse thrives in those conditions. I understand the anger you have and drive to explain it. Abuse effects linger long after the abuser is gone. I hope you find a way to move forward. You deserve to live without anger. You deserve to live free from abuse and it's lingering effects.