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Originally Posted by ArmorPlate108
Thank you for your kind words in return. On here I can be a little more gooey and vulnerable, IRL I'm little more armor plated. Out of necessity.
I also fear that at some point, DD will get sick of the dynamic and just go. She may need to do that at some point anyway, in which case, not really sure. Maybe I'll get a dog? Find volunteer or other work?
Do you have a good relationship with your son? Does he have any feelings about what's going on, or is he removed from it all? With the whole dynamic changing, maybe your relationship with him can get stronger?
In codependency work, you're supposed to ask yourself what it is you want. And all too often, a codependent just focuses on what they think the other person wants or needs. When you haven't focused on yourself much, it is really hard to get in the habit of figuring out what it is you want. When you've spent a lot of time thinking as part of a pair, it's hard to shift over to a 'me' way of thinking. I've been working on it for 1.5 years now and still not successful at times. Accept that it's a slow process? It took thirty years to get here, it may take a while to get out. One day at a time...?
Don't know what kind of work you do, but it sounds interesting. Does that mean you are outside a lot? At least you have a job you like. That's got to account for something.
I've been around good mountains much of my life and nothing makes me happier than looking out at them (from the valleys where I've lived). Sometimes I sit at DD's school while waiting for her and just stare at the mountains all around. Think about driving off over them and never coming back  .
Got any plans for your week off? Do something good for yourself. Something fun.
Maybe sometime I'll go bowling again. No bowling alleys close to home though. In the past I've been a pretty good Nintendo Wii bowler  . |
Hello and thank you for the encouraging supportive words.
Dogs are indeed good emotional support friends who give unconditional love to their owners and that sounds like a great idea for you . DD will probably love the dog also and that may help keep her coming around. Once I am settled in my new house I was thinking about getting one also
As for my relationship with my son, I talked some with him the other day . He said he is staying as far out of this situation as possible. I told him I don't blame you son, I wish this wasn't happening and I have done all I can.
Your Mom is determined to do this so there is nothing I can do. I emphasized how this is NOT his fault and that I love him very much ( I tried not to but I started crying while saying this). I told him that there will always be a room available at MY house and I would love to see him on a weekly basis. I told him the new house is only 16 miles away so it shouldn't be tough for us to stay close . I hugged him and he hugged me back, a good tight squeezing hug and boy did it feel amazing. I haven't gotten a hug like that with feeling in months.
As for my week off, you are right I NEED to do something good for me at least one of the days I need to devote to me having fun as I will need to spend a day or 2 starting to sort pack up my belongings.
I plan to start with the garage as a lot of my stuff is in there. I dread this much for the same reason I haven't slept in my new bed yet . It will make the denial of what's happening go away and I'll have to accept this IS happening.
I hear you about it taking me 30 years to get where I am and how i need to take it one day at a time but I don't even know where to start thinking for ME and not WE . Any suggestions on how to begin trying to wrap my brain around that concept ? How did you start on that if you don't mind me asking ?
Cool on the Wii bowling thing. I don't have that system anymore, can you bowl with others online ?