Hello everyone, I am new here. I have been reading through some of the posts and felt I wanted to propose my question or query: have you ever been with someone and you are equally pained by the thought of staying or going? It sounds crazy when I logically run it by myself. If a relationship isn't what I need it to be I leave - right? This was always my MO in the past. So why am I in such a quandry now?

My boyfriend whom I do love dearly I found to be cyber cheating about 6 months ago. He has made many efforts to reconcile his behaviors. All computers have monitoring devices on them that only I have access to, changed his phone number, I have access to his credit card accounts, phone record accounts, he is seeking regular counseling - he is basically doing everything a repentent person can do. But I can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head. I wanted and thought and felt that I was loved so deeply by this man and now I just can't seem to feel loved by him any longer. I can't understand how he could do what he did, even though he never 'physically' touched anyone.