Hi OP sorry for a late response, I just read this today - how are things going for you and your wife?

I’m curious as to why you feel you can’t approach her about the possibility of autism traits? Why do you feel she would react badly to this?

One thing I’d like to suggest is having an open discussion, not one that is directed towards her but a general chat about neurodivergence perhaps. Maybe prompted by something you’d read or seen on TV, there has been lots of publicity and awareness about women and autism recently, and a few high profile women talking about their diagnosis. It’s nothing to be ashamed of (like it might once have been) and the stigma is not there like it was.

I’m thinking if you had an open chat with your wife she might possibly be already more aware of any traits she has than you’re aware. And if nothing else it paves the way for future conversations about possible assessments.