I can definitely empathize with you from personal experience. Sadly when I was in that kind of situation I didn't really achieve a happy outcome.

Sometimes time helps to sort out competing, confusing and even conflicting motivations. Sometimes it doesn't though. The passage of time doesn't magically always bring clarity.

Hopefully members here with more knowledge, experience and insight will read your post today or in the coming days and respond with something truly helpful to you. Deepest apologies for not knowing how to be helpful to you. It must be really rough to be in the situation you describe. That's how it was for me.