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Originally Posted by Pinny
What kind of therapy are you doing with your T?
It sounds like, as you recognise yourself, you need to work on you self esteem. Notice the negative automatic thoughts and unhelpful thinking styles and start to challenge them with your T.
I had terrible self esteem prior to my most recent therapist, but we spent a long time going through that process- we worked on identifying negative core beliefs and challenging them. On repeat. Every week. It was hard, but totally worth it.
That doesn’t mean you can’t connect with people in the mean time. But be yourself, not who you “think you should be”. It’s not all about status and what you do in terms of job etc. it’s who you are.
Being vulnerable is how we truly connect. Asking questions, being interested in someone.
Also, try not to judge, even if someone has had a lot of one night stands. We all have our reasons for doing things and for coping with things, even if they aren’t the healthiest of ways. I guarantee there is more to that reason than just “she liked sex” or whatever. It’s important to be mindful of that.
Anyway, all the best with things  |
I have know for a long time self esteem is a huge problem for me. That is why I combine all these things. But no matter how many degrees I obtain, I dont think this will ever be solved.
That is what I do now: be honest, I stopped hiding my insecure side, pointing out that some interactions are awkard just because I am insecure..
The one night stands, that was my ex wife. I did my utmost best not to judge her. I know her better than anyone - I even dare say better than her parents - and I have an idea about what happened. The problem was that her stories and my insecurity combined were my kryptonite. And she did not respect my suffering from having to hear about all her extreme experiments. That was the beginning of our relationship and it has taken me a few years before I was able to experience intimacy again.
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
It is damaging to self esteem to have been passed over. Connecting romantically can be so intimidating if you don’t know what works, aren’t comfortable with it, too in your head. Does your therapist have a way to address this for you?
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She does. Last week she even pointed out - against all she normally does - that there is an evolution. But apart from that, I still do have trust issues when it comes to therapists.
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated
I get the whole wanting to rationalise, to anticipate outcomes, to have some sort of order or predictability in a world that is anything but predictable. But you’re right it can be exhausting and doesn’t usually change anything.
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And you ususally end up with the one scenario you didn't think through.
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Originally Posted by Samicat
You mention not having a job - this is a huge thing for women, unless you are independently wealthy.
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I am currently studying a masters in AI. I generally get good response. It gives me a rather good perspective regardless of all that has happend during the latest years.