My mom for example is a nut (No offense to other nuts). She has bad ADHD (But also narcissism/Histrionic PD). Most times I have to get away from her.

I'm pretty normal, but I take very dangerous things to make stuff more interesting - Cuz of sui thoughts.

I should learn to balance, and many people eventually grow older and realize what's really meaningful in life, have to keep making mistakes until they learn the lesson (What ever that may be).

My mom still acts like a 20 year old though. So does my dad a bit. Always partying etc (When I was a kid - No problem with that though).

But I get excited about technology, and interesting things.. The pain I've felt for such a long time, something good I want, to happen - Feeling.. I used to seek hedonia.

And.. I don't crave the strongest high - Just a little is okay..

I thought about opening the car door and jumping out - Took diazepam, was fine again. Things can get SO dark "The most logical solution" I thought to myself.

That's the problem of the world.

Picture this, I know it's hard
But I used to bе happy some years ago

I can feel a storm
I can feel it coming on
I can feel my heart
Beating like a Tommy gun
I can't keep my calm
Maybe I should end it all
Someone oughta stop
Beating on my heart

Like a bass drum