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Originally Posted by Aks6167
Hi Everyone, I have recently joined the group, my partner was diagnosed with dissociative disorder about 6 weeks ago, it has explained so much that has happened. I love him very much and want to offer all the love and support I can to help him which is why I’m finding groups and reading up on lots of literature about it.
The last year and a half has been very difficult, there has been an ‘us’ for nearly 7 years, we are both in very difficult marriages and we found support and an amazing connection, after 5 years just before the down turn for the first time he told me how much he loved me and if we were ever single he would marry me etc. this all came from him out of the blue as I never dared to say it first, it was lovely for about 2 months, a close friend of mine died and he was incredible, and then it was like a switch was turned off and he hasn’t been the same since, it corresponded with a new job …
It has been very hard to deal with from my perspective he has hurt me in many ways by his behaviour he has seemed completely uncaring at times and thoughtless to my feelings.
He told me after his Christmas party that he had got close to a work colleague but nothing had happened ‘yet’, he told me they were messaging outside of work but then said it was nothing, over the last few months he has continued saying this although I can tell he’s being dishonest. I have last week seen messages on his screen that mean they seem to be taking it further ..
About 3 months ago he hit a massive low and what I now know was a very deep dissassociation episode, he feels no emotion of love for anyone including his son, after a lot of encouragement he has been in therapy for a few weeks and I know it’s going to be a long road, he has a lot of childhood trauma to work through ..
I am trying to understand if the disassociation is fully to blame, can you disassociate for that long with fluctuating levels? Is it just he met a new woman at his new job and I’m overthinking all of this !
Can you lose complete consideration/conscience/guilt that you can start an ‘affair’ with someone else not considering anyone’s feelings (She is married too), and is it possible to start a new connection like this which I have seen make him smile and excited when you are dissociated …
Do you still have a sense of right and wrong or does all judgement and integrity get clouded?
Is this DID and he is moving between different levels of identity?
I am worried that he is doing things he will regret because he is suffering and after therapy will regret it, and that he is going to get himself in a massive heap of trouble that will drag him straight back down.
I love him unconditionally and I want to help and support him and be his safe place, but that doesn’t mean I want to be taken as a fool and be treated badly if this is actually nothing to do with his condition which is why I wanted to try and find help to guide me as to whether it could be and I need to just ride the storm ….
He has no friends and is not close to his family due to their past issues, his wife is showing no understanding, care or support regarding his diagnosis, so I am worried that he will end up very alone …
I’m sorry for the long post and I hope it makes sense?
Thank you so much for any help or insights you can give me …
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I cant discuss the symptoms, problems and behaviors that you placed in your post. my doing so would violate your loved one's privacy and confidentiality surrounding their mental health rights.
I can tell you is that you will not find much information out there now about dissociative disorders. by that I mean in March 2022 the world changed over to a whole new system for mental disorders, diagnostics, symptoms, problems, behaviors listings, testing and treatments.
short version anything you find in the way of symptoms, problems and behaviors, and so on in media-based ways (aka the internet, books, movies and so on) is no longer associated with dissociative disorders.
Dissociative disorder symptoms, problems and behaviors are now those that can't be found in media-based ways.
my suggestion to figure out if a problem is a dissociative one or not for you ask yourself ...
whether any one even normal people can seek out relationships outside their marriage. if so then you have your answers.
Ask yourself if even normal people can be kind and caring one moment and then cold, rude or heartless in other situations, if so then you know thats not a dissociative specific situation.
google your posted about symptoms, problems and behaviors, if they can be found in the typical media-based ways ...books movies, social media and so forth then you have your answer that it is not a dissociative related thing.
you can also show the person you are posting about what you posted and ask them your questions. I'm assuming you had their permission to post their diagnosis and symptoms, problems, behaviors...only they and their own treatment providers are the ones that can answer questions about their mental disorders.
you can also reach out to a mental health agency / treatment provider in your off the computer location, they can help you in person with your marriage and dating a mentally ill person issues.