I have asked myself the same questions you are asking. How can this person not be self aware, how can they lie to themselves and other? People that have alcohol abuse issues that consistently blame a partner for their own bad choices.

When you are a genuinely caring person it’s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that the other person doesn’t authentically care, they just fake it to get their needs met. They never really grow out of their toxic loop. They may acquire some new lines, but they still just play that same loop.