Night time very alone feelings

I just want to have fun sometimes. I'm with my dad and all.. I still feel like I need some type of experiences, that it's okay to forget the world.

Not parties and mindless stuff or anything, but some type of.. Like being blasted through some space, ending up... In a magical situation..

I want to tell my dad what I saw. I want the confidence to do that too.

I once walked onto the highway and looked at passing traffic. I wanted to just get a bottle of liquor and drink there all night. I know all of this seems stupid and kind of sad, but it's just a fantasy I remember.

I'll be okay.