I am sad now. Seems like my whole love life was a big lie and awful in general. No one ever really loved me. I never meet men who are loving, caring, calm and nurturing. I always get those who want sex on first date and say things like "this is just fun, right?", or those who can never ever commit, or those who are super controlling, or liars, scammers, men who ghost me or play games and hard to get... I feel like maybe I don't deserve love. What else could explain that someone has never been loved? Something might be really wrong with me. Everyone can find love. I can't. No wonder I am afraid of relationships. It's been going wrong for me my whole freaking life.
I can't do this anymore, I will just turn to my daughter and my dad and help cats. At least, cats are straight with you, they don't lie, yes they love me for food but they are not two faced like people.
I am really, really sad.