I went back to taking 10mg of lexapro because I realized I missed a few haldol doses and that probably contributed to feeling so wired. For the last two days I’ve been fighting strong self harm thoughts. I forced myself out on a walk yesterday because it was so nice and I would feel better about myself if I walked. I have a route up to the end of the main road and back that is exactly one mile. It’s easier to do because I can count the cross streets and encourage myself to make it past each one on the way there and count down on my way back. Then I colored. I’m really trying here.

Today I feel a bit on edge. Not totally wired but just uncomfortable. I had a SH dream so it’s still on my mind. I slept until 9:30 but I didn’t fall asleep until midnight. It’s another gorgeous day so we went to a nearby hiking trail and went for a 2 mile walk through the woods. It was so peaceful. I do feel a bit better, it took my mind off everything for awhile.

I’m not looking forward to ECT tomorrow but it’s necessary. I hope my throat doesn’t dry out like it has been overnight. I have to gulp water and sometimes eat something hard and scratchy to get it to stop itching and I can’t do that tonight.