Where to begin?

It's been a rough relationship. He used to torment me and hit me over the simplest things such as asking a question. That's literal. I could ask him "do you like..." Or he'd start attacking me verbally or even physically. I couldn't have friends but time to time, he would talk to all of his opposite.sex. friends and curse me out if I said anything about it. He once directed my attention to a tree and because a man walked in front of it, I was subject to a beating because I can't look in a man's direction. I also can't look down in public because it makes me look unhappy and him look bad.
Anytime I bring it up, even in our home, he starts screaming at me, calling me ****** and saying I shouldn't spread things publicly. The neighbor always wanders over when she hears an argument and he's said she gossips. Even if I whisper, even if it's 4 am and everyone's asleep, even when no one is within earshot, he still loses his temper and curses me out, tries yelling things so loud to embarrass me and leaves for a few hours. It's impossible to work out ANY problems with him because he explodes before you finish a sentence.
His cousins boyfriend started flirting with me, she started harassing me and he did nothing about it but attack me. She would call me fat while I was.pregnant, start trying to turn everyone against me, listened to our conversations outside our bedroom door and gossip about it, and started stalking my family. He actually asked me to invite the boyfriend to our wedding (if it had happened).
He will go around screaming at me and seek to humiliate me in public just because he feels humiliated.
He hasn't worked in 3 years (surprisingly he started looking now but whenever I "bother" him, he delays it). He doesn't give a damn that I've been supporting us both for that long. He just breaks my things and says I have to impress.him. he's going to inherit a house and I have to show im "worthy" (honestly, with how much it costs to feed him, I could've bought a house all by myself already. And more than a 1 bedroom). This is what his cousin was saying as well after all this and he's sticking to it. His whole family is acting like I'm trying to steal the house because of that cousin.

I feel so stupid while typing this because I miss him and do sometimes welcome him back. It's odd because I do have friends but I seem to always give in to his bs. Need support.