Hugs BB.

I smoked a specific strain, bathed in the sun outside (Before the clouds and smoke came rolling in), very relaxing.

Imagine how I am - Relaxing mental states are possible (With whichever med, environmental situation, change in habits etc). We must not give up.

It's all perspective - And sometimes, with trauma? You just have to try and figure it out.. then once you understand, you have new insight. Don't be too hard on self. We all do what we can.. We are bullets shot by a drunken God.

Hold on, I have quotes;

"A Google hog pile can be confusing, but in this instance it is spot on. The opposite of fear is acceptance, which leads to curiosity, which leads to a sense of understanding, which leads to feelings of safety, trust, and finally, love."

"Buddhism sees the physical plane as dualistic and impermanent. From this perspective, there is male and female, north and south, etc. As we transcend physical reality we see it is clear that the physical plane is simply a manifestation of the one unchanging truth. It appears to fluctuate but is really in constant union with the source. Meditation is the path to this truth."

And with dissociation.. , the more you're in it, it is difficult. The brain needs to relax. I'd take a clonazepam if I were you, give your mind a break (When in these states).