Hello, I'm looking for advice regarding psychological help. I've struggled with persistent identity/role confusion in adult life and would like to address my problem in a focused way. Could you suggest approaches, modalities or programs that could be helpful with my situation? Any other advice or resources are most welcome. Thank you in advance.

Here are the details of my situation: Currently in my late 30s, I immigrated to English speaking Canada with my family at age 13. I come from an orthodox/post-communist Eastern European culture with a fairly closed mindset. Throughout my teens I had multiple challenges adjusting to life in North America (with language fluency, making friends, belonging, fitting in with peers, a permanent sense of being an imposter and outsider, etc) and often isolated myself as a way of coping. I continued my education up to the master's level and had a range of further options (law school, business degree, PhD admission). However I successively turned down these options and have not been able to make a career commitment. My relationship life follows a similar pattern of non-commitment and withdrawal. At around age 26 I left grad school and withdrew from active life, working/volunteering very little since then and relying on family for support. Difficult as it is to admit, I continue to live as a teenager into my late 30s. In spite of having competency in different areas, I struggle with a deep (at times overwhelming) confusion about my identity and place in the adult world.

I have seen multiple therapists and counselors with different approaches over the last decade (psychoanalytic, CBT, DBT, IFS, emotion focused, etc). Helpful and insightful as therapy has been, somehow we never fully addressed the root of my problem.

My own best guess as a lay person is that my development process stalled after age 13 due to my isolation and a strong sense of "otherness" living in a foreign country. I wasn't able to build a solid identity with reference to my peer group. As a result I did not develop the virtue of fidelity that would allow me to make stable commitments in life (please see table). Instead I fell into role confusion and could not develop further in life, struggling with isolation, stagnation and despair ever since.

Could you offer me any advice on how I can address my problem in a focused and consistent way? I am at a place where the pain of isolation and stagnation is unbearable. I'm willing to use the resources that I do have (competency, purpose, willpower, a basic hope in the future) to work on identity building and role clarity. However, I am not sure where to turn for the appropriate help. Is there an approach, modality or program that could address my specific type of problem? What specialty or focus should I look for in a potential therapist or psychologist? Could you recommend any resources (books, case studies, websites, groups, etc) that would help me learn more about my problem and make positive steps forward? Do you have any other recommendations or suggestions? Thanks again.