I didn't read - Got distracted.. then felt tired. Looked at podcasts.. More podcasts are better than less. So I'll listen outside (Seems warm enough to do that). I feel more awake now.

I'm mindful.. Happy enough.. I wish to live, or feel alive.. It's always waiting, and listening to people argue - All the time.. Meditation would be good..

Idk what to do anymore really. This life is short, but no one knows what's after death.. and.. Eternity is a long time. I want some entity to save me - Possibly God? Will he.. Is it a she? (That's mother earth/nature right?) Idk.. Too many questions, possible answers.. constant.. Doesn't end.

It all never ends. And nothing lasts. Years later, I still talk like I'm tripping.. Life is the trip.. And I wish I could figure it out more - Should .. not be hard on myself and have patience. So much pain, torture - Also possibilities of more of that. We all try.