Good to hear you are doing things to stay grounded. Having a pup sounds wonderful and a good way to have some fun and get some exercise!


As you said, you have thoughts of SH but haven't acted on anything yet. I think "yet" is the operative word. It is worth having a conversation with your pdoc over how you've been feeling lately, your other health challenges which may have triggered you, as well as your thoughts about SH.


They may ask you questions such as whether your other health concerns are causing you to obsess and whether that obsessing causes such fear and anxiety that you then have thoughts of SH. Or whether the thoughts of SH come from a place of deep sadness. You might write down your thoughts in points, beforehand, so as to be sure to cover this with them.


I'll tell you a bit about my story, I have MDD with psychotic features. Back in the day, when it was major depression-only, I weaned myself off of meds because I was feeling well or well-enough and I, quite frankly, was tired of taking meds. If anything, I wanted to feel 'normal' like everyone else and really to 'not have mental illness'. I didn't want to face the fact that my MI was going to be a lifelong condition. I was high-functioning individual who presented well and I think that in and of itself has hampered my getting appropriate and timely care. But again, I wanted to feel like everyone else and I looked alright, so why not? The thing is in my case, I did get worse... I developed major depression with psychotic features.


Maybe there's something in your story that reminded me of how I used to think. Anyhow, my point is that my condition did worsen, so I encourage you to reach out for care so you do not take a turn for the worse, like I did.


MDD in itself is cyclical, so as much as it's a drag to take medication, I think you should have the conversation with your pdoc as to whether you are at risk for more serious major depression which could include psychotic features at some point or whether the medication can be discontinued at some future point. See what the psychiatrist says.

What do you think?

Let us know how you get on.

And take good care...


Sending hugs, if wanted...