Sorry I have Avoidant PD - Just ignore my w/e

I still need this site. Cuz I'm going to tell my doctor tomorrow (That's giving my the 525mg Invega Trinza injection) - I'm going to say "Just give me a 6mg Invega pill"..

"Just for good measure" (Yknow what I mean?) - I'm still stuck in this situation.. I'm not psychotic at all... I have mild positive symptoms, but come on - I'm on 100mg of dextroamphetamine a day, can smoke weed and take ket.. Nothing bad happens, actually improves my mind.

I know I'm a little chaotic.. But I want to be (As long as it's controlled). I want to follow GOD (The REAL God - Not me..).... And .. Everyone has some positive symptoms (Spiritual) and if they are mathematic minds (Like I was), it's a more logical thing, analytical.. about numbers and physics etc (In those types of dimensions). The problem is that this world is evil, the school I went to was an internment camp. My moms ex made me feel like I was then put into a concentration camp, etc.. Isolation, neglect, blablaba..

Anyway, I even want to refuse taking the injection (Until I'm given the Invega pills) BUT I will take this ONE last injection.. Before I see my psychiatrist.. I'm not on a "Community Treatment Order" so yknow what that means? - I have ONE last chance, to not go psychotic or depressed or w/e, and end up back in the hospital, then be forced to take the injection when I get out. So right now, if I stop taking it, the police won't show up and take me away...

Am I being coherent enough? I don't sound insane? Good! We are on the same level.. I love you all, gn

Btw any criticisms are welcome, and helpful..