Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67
"and such' means ketamine, and all the extra stuff you take. The stuff you send away for. Phenibut etc. You've never followed a doctor's orders because you play around with extra pills.
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I didn't never follow a doctor's orders because I "play around with extra pills".
I never took drugs - and then was given risperidone, I hated it. I was told to keep taking it. But I stopped. I was confused, "Why should I take this?".
It's not my fault that I was too young to understand anything about how the world works, wtf pills are, and the philosophy/ethics behind taking them, authority, and what reality is, why I was feeling so horrible, etc
I was given risperidone for "voices" - I didn't care if I was hearing voices? I was only 16? No one cared about me - Just the "voices". It was all a cry for help, to make the trauma end.
I was feeling horrible because of what my mom and her ex did to me (And I didn't realize, he was a manipulative narcissist sociopath). I trusted (Above all), my "parents" (Who were supposed to love me) - And they neglected me, etc. With that done, I was then supposed to obey some doctor? The connection with trust was severed at that point.
The trauma still didn't end, it got even worse and worse and worse. I was sent to a place that was supposed "To help me" - And people ate at me like vultures.
It's all about money and evil.
I don't know exactly what you're trying to say to me.
It's a nonsense world. The only reason I'm staying alive is because of my dad, my sister, and even my mom.
You touched on a part of me saying "never", makes me fall apart. Never? What does that mean?
I'm exactly right, that what you mean is fooling myself about my whole life. You're wrong. I'm sick of people thinking they're better than me, looking down on me. And there's nothing I can do about it.
From what I know, love is fake. God is fake. Life isn't real. It's just a tragedy, and what ever pleases someone is just a shiny signal like a machine fitting something into place.
But from my own perspective, I'll still continue to figure things out, in spite of people like you. I'm just so crushed, especially after talking to my doctor today.. If I really look deeply at myself, all I see is love, nonsense and horror.