Sorry I keep posting so much. I'll stay quiet now.. Everything is just haunting. Nothing good came out of my life because my memory is so bad - At least I could have good memories, but I don't.

But it's all okay. I don't know why I'm like this (So down on myself, even with a good mood). I hate myself really. I do love myself as well. I'm not really a person - But a series of energies.

I have to meditate properly, and simplify who I am and all - What's real about me in relation to the world, reality, others etc - And the spirit, truth. I'm trying really hard (And it's no ones fault that I struggle but my own - Cuz it's about my reactions to things).

I see my mom argue with our neighbour - He would go to her work (Telling her to move her car).. He'd knock on the door (While my mom was in the bath) saying "Tell her when she gets out that she needs to move her car", and he parks 50% in our spot. He's a nutjob. He was yelling at me - So did my mom, then threatened him with a lawyer. Then she accidentally scratched his ****** car (While she was trying to park, with his car too close to our parking spot), and she has to pay him 1600 dollars.

I put chewed nicotine gum on the roof of his car. I'm going to keep doing that until he says something, and I'm going to say that it wasn't me.

I have to be zen really, and not react to things. But my parents work like slaves and they are old, so stressed. They won't live long, both had cancer. I can't not want to do something. Anyways, all of this doesn't matter much.