I have very problematic dad myself. In different ways, my dad is much more passive aggressive and less in your face but it doesn’t make it easier and is a problem nonetheless. “Grey rock” is the only thing that works for me. Arguing never works

I’d not be asking your husband talking to your dad about it. That doesn’t seem like an appropriate tactic to me.

The whole thing explains why you are with your husband, sadly knowing that your dad is abusive explains why you gravitate towards same kind of men.

I’d think therapy would be very helpful. It helped me to break the cycle and not gravitate towards men like my dad. It also taught me to work on my boundaries. Some people manage it themselves but I needed a little push.