Yesterday in therapy doing DBT we stumbled across that I struggle most with shame and that's probably the source of the disordered eating rather than anxiety.

Even the word "shame" makes my eyes watery because I just feel it so deeply. I know today's going to be a day I want to b/p. I just know it. I need to prep and plan with some skills. Distractions. DBT skills.

Although lately I've been wanting to drink more so than b/p. Or both. A drunken b/p session sounds kinda sadly amazing.