I took a benzo. My mom says I'm too deep thinking and philosophical.

I have so much to say, and I just want to keep talking to people - But a few sentences aren't enough - So I don't talk. I give up.

And when I do talk, it's not socially acceptable or normal. Only my family knows me and can talk about those things. I do the same to strangers (Cuz I don't care), and have good experiences...

I just can't do things. I can't do one thing. I have fear of missing out, and preparing for danger, etc.. all of the things I don't know enough about, why.. existence.. I'm alive, and continue, take a benzo, and a different person.

It is likely to make me feel better when it kicks in - But right now, I'm like "That person (In the future) is me - So why would I want to feel better?" - Cuz I'm **** at goals.. Everything is the same to me. It's nihilism.. I'm empathetic, but just not real myself. My pain is real.. It's necessary for survival - But not like what I went through (Not saying anyone didn't have the same suffering), and some goal... what... The dreams, I have to look deeper into myself and such - But there's too many things on the list. It's overwhelming. I'm grateful that I finally started to participate in growth, but it's all the same still.