All my moms friends wanted was sex. It's manipulation. Why aren't people genuine and deceitful and judge and cause the destruction and selfishness. That's why religions have some answers but I was atheist and knew I'd eventually find some type of spirituality..... But it's all good and bad.

Life lifeeee - Yknow what matters more than success and failure, the quote... attitude towards life is above all. But I just want to understand if people are out to get me without proof and I know 10% of people will hate anyone no matter what they do - And I'm okay with that but the name "Sometimes Psychotic" every time, constant disappointment of me just trying to be myself and explain to people, help people but I'm just a mess. A ****ing mess. But I'm okay, I don't enjoy skiing as much as I should. Maybe it's cuz I'm autistic and asexual.

I'm gaining weight too cuz of the meds. I don't like the look of myself. And the old man manipulated me in the psych ward too and creepy why would someone do that is all the big bang an orgasm or since everything is connected, it layers in folds and lines to hyper infinite welding and unification with objects becoming one and forming all one... he said he was a chrisitan but that woman that said hes not a good one, she kept using my phone and saying that i would work with a gun to protect her - that old man stole guns and ammunition i was afraid but im not a woman i shoulnd't be harassed like that and looked for validation from stranger on camera , did lines and miserable life my ex step dad judged me and knew - he was a genius but huffed paint fumes all day every day painting cars and never used a mask. I remember the break cleaner, he stole things from our work and used cans and cans of "chloryl - ammonium" or what ever chemical i didn't care either why cuz he was a narcissist and i just needed someone to guide me and treat me like I was a person and not some object of worthlessness.

My dad said, mental hospital or on the streets of vancouver. It was obviously a joke

Anyway the benzo helped. I think it's kickin in. I'm sorry.. I'm a tortured, evil.. waste like nuclear sludge, causing burns to humans that want everything that I have, all good stuff.. and yet no matter how much I try to appreciate - Like the mountains when I moved here, it was so sad cuz of the anhedonia. The school when I moved to canada seemed like it didnt matter. My cognition wasn't normal. and I was judge for sleeping everywhere on antipsychotics but at least i made the people on the bus to school laugh so hard with my silliness.