Kin of along the same lines, i was really wedded to the belief that i was a good person. When i finally acknowledged to myself that i wasnt the nicest person, things changed for me.

For instance, an old friend was at the funeral home when my mother passed. But she wasnt there to see me or my mother - she was there to make future arrangements for her own family member. She very pointedly told me and others this, as if to disassociate herself from me.

I cant believe the mess i made of my romantic relationships, from age 15 on. I can remember the exact moment my father taught me to lie to escape punishment, by convincing me to tell him the truth, then gleefully telling me he'd tricked me, that life wasnt like on "Father Knows Best."

I have finally settled on: i did the best i could, given what i knew, given the support i had. Mostly my parents confused me with mixed messages. I had one foot in old italian superstitions, the other in Ms. Magazine. I did some good things, but i was also psychologically weak.

I think once you can accept that you dont do everything perfect, that you didnt always do the right thing, that everybody doesnt think you are the best person in the world, then you can relax and be human and enjoy the rest of your life. I think the catholic upbringing hurt me a bit there.